so this is the dilemma

I began life as a relatively healthy person   went to a lot of school   loved my work   had lots of friends  the superficial basics  

then illness came  and I dropped out of the loop   stopped working   a gut-wrenching decision  met thousands of doctors and medical personnel   spent several years housebound and sometimes bed bound  and watched my friends leave (when I could lift my head)  some quickly, some took a while  but they were gone   and so was my family   

but I was lucky  I got better  over time, with work  now I go out, use a wheelchair can dance and love and play and work   though limited  and I am joyful  for what I have

as an artist, I am abundant with the joy of creating    my gratitude for more simple things has become larger and larger  and knowing me (with whom I spent countless hours alone)  is simpler and satisfying

I miss friends very much    there are some that linger on the periphery of my life and no doubt love me as they say and I love them as I say  

but they are able-bodied and

it just doesn't seem to work   we rarely see each other and our lives are so different we struggle to connect

though I've met many wonderful disabled people (many since birth)  our life experience is so different   we struggle to work through that   

and I feel like I'm straddling two worlds   don' t  know where to go